Monday, March 24, 2014



            I walked across the street once the ambulance was gone. I was unsure how it had all happened, it sort of seemed like a train-wreck and then he was just, gone.
Rick was outside the reality office and I felt like I had wasted his time, and since I hated when people wasted my time, I could feel my guilt.
“Hey, Rick.” I said softly.
Rick arched an eyebrow, “Do you know Ean?”
I nodded my head in admittance, “Yeah, sort of...” Not like I knew him that well.
Rick was genuinely confused, “He'll be back soon. We can finish up then.”
“Honestly,” I paused, “There's likely not much to finish up. I'm...”
“You have a deposit down.”
“You're really going to have to talk to Ean about it, I'm not sure if he'll be wanting to sell it to me further.”
“He's in a contract.” Rick reminded.
I nodded, not really wanting to argue that I could easily get us both out that contract.
“Well, are we waiting for him?”
“I can do the rest over the phone and email.” I assured him and walked towards my beamer.
“Alright, I'll give you call later...”
I didn't let him talk further, I needed somewhere to sit in silence, luckily that would come inside my car as I drove to his house. Pulling down the drive, I noticed how much the snow had melted in the few weeks since I'd been there. The promise of spring obviously coming forth, much to my surprise. I figured there was snow up there all year round.
I stopped the car in front of his house and then paused everything, cut the engine, my breathing and even wishing I could stop my heart.
I leaned back in my leather seat and looked over the beautiful log home. I knew nothing about log homes but now, I was really starting to see the needed craftsmanship to seemingly build them.
I finally started to get a chill and it took me from me car, I moved to the front door and could smell the soft scent of wood burning.
My hand reached to the brass door fixtures and with great heart palpitations, I opened it. My eyes caught a glimpse with my hesitation and then I widened it enough to step inside. My feet hitting the wood floors and then there I was, again, in Ean Hunter's bushman resort.
I swallowed and closed the door, wanting to lock away the cool wind as soon as possible. I bent down and started to take off my leather heeled boots. Once I was out of those, I discarded my jacket but then I was at a loss. I didn't want to make myself at home – even though it was sort of my home. I shook my head at those thoughts and walked towards the fireplace, wanting direct warmth.
I stared at the low embers burning and then found myself sitting to the couch to watch it burn. Memories of Christmas flashed in my mind, more specifically Ean on top of me. I swallowed, wondering where it happened, what time... maybe it was combination of a few times. I wrinkled my nose at my thoughts, I really was losing it. Wanting to know the point of my impregnation was ridiculous!
I got stir crazy as close to half an hour passed and stood, adjusting my slightly too big pants and then I began to snoop. Not like I could help myself at that point, his house was easily snoop-able. He didn't hide anything. I found myself with the need to relieve my bladder and I was back in his clean, well designed washroom. It was worse staring at the shower though.
“I'm such an idiot...” I walked out back into the hall, wiping my damp hands on my thighs as my eyes caught the room across from me.
I remembered the piles of things, the memories he'd banished to the room. Curiosity peaked on what he'd done with it for the showings and so I did it, I opened it. Again, hoping it would reveal something better this time.
I looked inside to the dark room and flipped on the lights. It was now host to a cleanly designed guest room with a four poster wood bed. It was much different. In fact, he'd taken all the infant child out of it.
It was then I heard the front door and I panicked, slapping the light off and closing the door with a loud slam.
“Dammit!” I swore to myself.
I heard his voice and that was worse. I tried not to let the blushing get the better of me as I tucked my red hair behind my ears and walked quickly down the hall.
I stepped out into the living room and he met me there.
He looked me over, “Everything okay?”
“I was just...” I fumbled, pointing behind me awkwardly, “Bathroom.”
“Oh.” He nodded, we stood in silence then but broke it quickly, “Want to sit down?”
No! I nodded, the panic and bile rising in me as he walked over to the couches.
I sat down slowly on the edge of the couch and hugged my arms over my chest.
He stuck his black work boot in the fire and kicked the dying wood apart.
“Aren’t you suppose to be working?” I finally asked.
He glanced at me and then back to the fire, “I booked off after that call.”
I wrinkled my nose, because of me he'd booked off!
He threw more wood on and then walked over to the single couch across from me. Undoing the top buttons on his uniform shirt and stripping it to reveal a blue cotton shirt underneath.
I looked down to my hands as he undid the laces on his boots.
“Well...” He sat back, surely staring at me or at least, I felt it.
I looked to him, “I'm sorry.”
He itched his head and then finally spoke, “For?”
“Uh...” I choked on my words, “Bothering you.” That was a good thing to be sorry for, I figured. Not only had I disturbed his work day but also his house selling and oh yeah, the rest of his life here after.
He smiled, “Is this what you call bothering someone?”
I wanted to roll my eyes, “I'm just sorry, alright?”
“Okay.” He gave me it, but he was amused and I was bit pissed because of it. He waited for me but I didn't want to start the conversation, so naturally he did, “So, what was your angle? I'm confused here.”
“My angle?” I breathed.
He nodded, “You bought my house...”
“Uh...” I swallowed, “I didn't have one.”
“Really?” He echoed.
“No.” I shook my head, getting annoyed. He really knew how to naturally annoy me.
He looked me over, “Alright, so, you just buy my house and what...”
“Argh!” I exclaimed, “Sorry, I'm sorry okay!”
He laughed, “Amy...”
“No, I'm sorry I did this. I came up here looking for you and, your house was for sale and some girl wanted it and I... I just agreed to buy it on the spot. You don't actually want to sell it!”
He stared at me and slowly arched his eyebrow, “Well...”
I bit my lip, shit!
“I sort of did, Amy.” He explained.
I wrinkled my nose, “You want to move? Where?”
He smiled and shook his head at me, “Near my sister. She's been trying to get me to move for awhile...”
I wreathed, what an emotional stupid mess I was, “I'll still buy it.” Guilt now getting the better of me, at the very least I could resell it and likely never make the money back but whatever.
“It's alright.” He said, “Maybe... I didn't want to sell it.”
My eyes met his and I swallowed, “Huh?” We stared at each other a moment, a long moment too. Where I felt my heart starting to speed and my trembling nerves getting the better of me.
He took a breath, “So, I'm still trying to understand the other point here...”
Here it was, it was coming, like a bomb about to go off, “Well, uh, see I thought I was okay on the shot but I had messed that up, a little.” I could see him hold back a smile.
“Really?” He asked.
“Yeah, by like four months...” I admitted, “I was just working a lot and not... having sex.”
He smirked finally, “So, you forgot about it?”
“I just figured, in my moments of work-mind, I had gone. I always go.” I explained clearly, “I guess the break up with Richard really messed me up.”
Ean looked a bit put off by that, “So, you're... three months...”
I cut him off, “Thirteen weeks...”
“Ah.” He nodded, then fell quiet.
I waited for him to speak more but nothing came, “Uh... so, you know, I just wanted to tell you. You...” I choked up on my words, “You don't have to be apart of any of this. I mean, I don't expect it. Beth told me, I should tell you.” And I had went for the scape goat! I wanted to bang my head to a wall.
Ean still stayed quiet and I wasn't understanding it.
I tried to recover my stupidity, “Cause like seriously, we're so different... I mean, you probably want nothing to do with me!”
He blinked, “Well...”
I stood up suddenly, “Yeah, cause, it might be awkward for you like twenty years from now when some kid shows up saying your his dad. That's all this is. I don't expect anything from you. Don't think that.” I looked around for my purse and grabbed it off the couch, “So, I'll leave you alone... Sorry, again. I tried to have an abortion but I'm just... I couldn't do it. It's all probably Beth's fault!” I walked for the door.
“Uh, Amy...” He called after me and stood.
I waved a hand, “You know, she can't have kids and I started to feel super guilty about that!” I grabbed my boots and began to pull them on. Struggling like a stupid idiot that could pass off drunk.
Ean walked over to me slowly, “Oh, that's uh...”
I glanced at him, “Totally sucks, yeah. She'd be a way better mother. I mean, how do I deserve this... People consider this a miracle. Do I deserve a miracle?” I snapped, pouring all my stupid notions out for him when he's the one that had gotten me pregnant, so in reality the thing I was saying I didn't deserve – was his miracle too. Ugh miracle...
I zipped up my one boot and then struggled again with the next, hoping and shoving my foot in even with my heel.
“Amy, stop, don't go.”
His words startled me and I snapped my head up to him, losing my balance and falling to my ass on the ground.
He smiled, “Are you okay?”
I grumbled as he helped me to my feet, “Yeah, I'm just... I don't know.” Crazy? Insane? PREGNANT!
Ean steadied me, “Do you always fall so much, because you always seem to?”
“No,” I pulled out of his touch, “It's just around you.”
He smiled, “What?”
No, god! What's wrong with me! I rubbed my temple, “No, I'm clumsy, yeah.”
He crouched down and grabbed my boot.
My eyes shot up as he took off my shoes, “Ean...” He stripped the shoes off my feet and then stood.
“We should talk...” He threw my boots to the mat again and grabbed my arm, “Do you want something to drink?”
No! I want to go to my car and run away! I was paralyzed though, no going back. He sat me to his couch again and waited for the answer, “Tea.”
“Alright.” He walked to his kitchen, “You know,” He started, “I really thought I was losing my mind earlier.”
I swallowed and looked to him, “Why's that?”
He laughed to himself, “You sure can make an entrance. Seemed like a dream, I was waiting to wake up.”
I wallowed in my self pity and changed the subject, “Did you save someone?”
He smiled, “No, it was an MVA, no injuries. Cleared on scene.”
“Oh.” I wrinkled my nose, not knowing what he was talking about.
“So,” He walked back over and sat down across from me as the kettle heated up, “You decided to come now?”
“Uh,” I made a face, “No offence but, you're impossible to get ahold of, never mind find psychically.”
He nodded, “Yeah, I guess that's true.”
I shifted awkwardly and then decided to spill, “Did... uh Jason, tell you I called?”
“No, he didn't. You called Jason?” He sounded surprised.
“Just the station.” I answered, “A month ago.”
“Well, I did just come back to town yesterday, so really, this morning was the first I've seen Jason.”
“Oh.” I nodded.
He paused then, looking me over, “So, you want to have a baby?”
“No!” I burst.
He looked confused, “Uh...”
“No, well, I didn't but... I'm going to.” That was the stupidest answer ever!
He thought it through, “Hmm...”
“I had this need to tell you.” I admitted, “I thought it was fair.”
He picked at the arm on the couch he sat in, “It's fair.”
I didn't quite understand his tone, “Yeah...”
He looked up as the kettle finished and walked back over to make the tea. I sat in silence as he did. He came back, putting my tea on a coaster in front of me.
“It's got no caffeine.” He said and sat back in his chair, away from me, not that it bugged me. I felt we both needed the space indefinably.
“Oh.” I looked it over, “I could sure use the caffeine.”
He looked to me, “You'll get used to it.”
“Get used to what?” I breathed, I knew I hadn't been drinking a lot of coffee because it made me get heart burn but I still... had caffeine.
“You shouldn't be drinking caffeine.” He explained, “You didn't know this?”
“No!” I blurted out.
He took a moment, “You shouldn't drink it anymore.”
“What!” I snapped, “I thought I wasn't allowed alcohol!”
He made a face, “Don't you have a doctor?”
“Kind of.” I shot, “Not really...” I hadn't seen anyone since the beginning of my pregnancy, that was very true.
“You should get a doctor, Amy and soon too.”
“Okay.” I nodded, feeling my stupidity now at it's high.
He stayed quiet another minute, sipping the tea, “So, I'm really not the type of guy to walk away.”
I figured he wasn't, in fact, I knew it. Dead set in cement, knew it.
“I'll help.” He explained, “I would like to.”
I nodded, “Sure... I guess... if it's what you want.”
He stared at me, “Yeah, it is.”
I nodded and picked up my tea, drinking. Now, I didn't know what to say. He was agreeable and easy to deal with, I didn't understand why at all. Did he have any hate in him? He should have hated me!
“I'm sorry, I wasn't around.” He said.
I shrugged, “You have a life.”
“I've just been working. Keeps my mind off of things.”
I swallowed, I didn't know what that meant again so I stayed quiet.
“I didn't think I'd ever see you again, Amy.”
I didn't want to do this and I could feel the way it was going, “Yeah, well, you got me pregnant.”
He sighed and drank more tea.
I finally cracked once I started to feel some sort of awkward emotion building between us, “Do you have like email or something?”
He nodded, “Yeah, I just got a computer, so I could... ironically enough, talk to Rick when I'm up north.”
“Oh.” I nodded, “That's good, taking yourself into a technology world. We can correspond like that then. I have a lot of projects coming up...”
He cut me off, “Can I have your phone number?”
I stared at him and blinked, “Uh...”
He smiled, “Ouch, Amy.”
“Oh, yeah,” I shook my head and grabbed my purse, “Here.” I pulled out a business card and put it to his coffee table. Business meeting flashed in my mind.
Ean watched me and stayed quiet.
“Email is better though.” I told him.
He smiled, “Okay.”
“My email is on there.”
“Sure.” He nodded.
“Alright, well...” I didn't know what else to say.
“I'd like to come to the doctor appointments.”
My eyes snapped to him, “Really? Why?”
He smiled again, “It's my baby too, Amy. Unless you're considering me a sperm donor here?”
Why couldn't he just want to be a sperm donor! God, I didn't want that! Yes, I did... I swallowed, “No, uh, it's okay. Sure.”
“Thanks.” He nodded, “So, you'll tell me when they are?”
I nodded, “I'll try to.”
He sighed again and moved on, “How are you doing at work?'
“Fine.” I brushed off his question, “Not affected at all.” I was trying so hard to be strong, so hard. I didn't want him to see me as weak, I didn't want him all over me either because of it.
He nodded, “That's good. Some women have a hard time.”
You would know... Of course, he did. I swallowed, “No, I'm fine.”
“Well, if you ever... need me.” He got out, swallowing, “I'm here.”
I stared at him and he too, stared at me. I wanted out of the moment, it caused me an extreme debilitating panic. One I couldn't win against, one that had gotten me in the position I was in to begin with.
It was then relief was found, with the sound of a light knock at the door.
Ean's eyes came off mine and he stood, “One second...”
However, as he walked away, I began to plan my escape.
He opened the door behind me and I stood, turning to see a blonde in the door frame. She wasn't refined, she had on a work jacket but she was still decently pretty – in a small-town sort of way.
“Oh.” She looked to me once her golden eyes peeled off Ean.
“Ronnie.” Ean acknowledged her and then stepped outside, closing the door so I was now completely removed from the female intrusion.
I rolled my eyes and moved to the door, dressing myself in my boots and jacket. He should have just invited her in, then she could have met his baby-mama!
How has my life gotten to this point!
I waited but as I did, my curiosity and annoyance peaked together and I looked outside the tiny window to the front step.
He was standing talking to her and then I just became annoyed. I didn't care if he had a girlfriend, I wasn't his girlfriend. There was no reason to hide things! I wasn't anything...
I ripped open the door and they both stopped talking.
Ean turned to me, “Hey, one more minute...”
“I need to go. Long drive.” I chirped and walked towards my beamer, my ears getting hot as the little blonde watched him chase after me.
I got to my car and swung the door open, “It's cool.”
“Amy.” He tried again, “Stay.”
“I need to go home.” I snapped at him.
He swallowed, “She's not my girlfriend...”
I laughed, “I don't care if that little hick is your girlfriend, Ean, give me a break!” I sat down in my car.
“Just let me...” Ean tried again.
I grabbed the door to close it, “Email me.” I pulled but he didn't let it close.
“Don't go, Amy.” He persisted.
I dropped my voice low, “What do you expect from me! I drove all the way out here to tell you this, we did it. It's done. You know the deal.”
His shoulders squared off, “Shit, Amy, don't do this.”
“What!” I shot, “What did you think we were going to do? What else is there to do?” My words were bad, he wasn't going to like them.
He stared at me, “Get a doctor and no more caffeine.” He slammed my door and I stared at my hands on the steering wheel.
He walked back over to the blonde and then she was stepping inside his house, that pissed me off to no end. I started the vehicle and once in drive, I booked it off the property. Telling myself I was not allowed not to think about him at all, on the drive home.



  1. Miss Bella.... Like seriously .... can they just get together already Grrrrr like.... I've decided I want an man like Ean all to myself, like seriously he puts up with so much from the lovely Amy... god I'm just like her headstrong and stubborn lol ... but in a subtle way clearly ! ! Love how she keeps falling on her butt its endearing ... in a save me I'm helpless kinda way .... more, more, more; .... please and thanks <3

  2. Would you ever consider writing an epilogue in the published version of Little Kisses to give us readers closure?


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